In appreciation of the great sitcom of a similar name, and with no connection to the railway of today
Featuring: Mr Grant Aided MP – Minister of Human Logistics Sir Appleby Humpyard – Permanent Secretary Sir Bernard Fowlds – Principal Private Secretary
Pale wintery sun beams through the window of the wood-panelled office. Grant Aided has got hold of a copy of Modern Railways and has called Sir Appleby Humpyard to come and explain what is going on. Bernard is sorting the minister’s papers, a bit behind time due to frozen points at Guildford. Enter Sir Appleby.
GRANT: Good morning, Humpyard. Late again then?
APPLEBY: No Minister, ministerial car on time. What can I do for you?
GRANT: Have you seen this? (Waving Modern Railways, as Bernard looks apologetic for leaving it where the minister could find it.) They think we are all idiots! Every franchise we let ends in a fiasco, like, every single time!
APPLEBY: Indeed Minister, we have a 100% success rate, so impressive even Scotland is following our lead for once.
GRANT: Success? How can you call this a success?
APPLEBY: (looks quizzical) Didn’t the calamity magnet explain? Oh, no, I suppose not, we didn’t tell him to.
GRANT: Well th…
